A family guide for those considering senior living
Helping a loved one make a change — even for the better — can be difficult. Sometimes, just starting the conversation can lead to misplaced emotions, misunderstood intentions, and misstatements.
Regardless, sooner is better than later when it comes to talking to your aging parents about their future plans for care and housing.
With the luxury of time, families can better understand one another’s intent and move on their terms vs. having to make a sudden move necessitated by health needs.
The Desire to Remain in the Driver’s Seat
Many older adults initiate the discussion themselves and prefer to remain in the driver’s seat throughout the process. Be respectful of that desire and realize that, whoever initiates the discussion, the following guidelines will help make the conversation as smooth and productive as possible for all.
Don’t Wait for a Crisis
Instead of reacting to a situation, be proactive and begin the dialogue before an immediate need or crisis exists.
While your parents are healthy and active, ask them what kind of lifestyle they’d like to enjoy as they age and what their goals are for living and aging well. As a family, you may want to set some agreed-upon benchmarks for when the time is right to make a move that is in alignment with your parents’ goals and wishes.
Proceed Slowly and Gently
The unnatural role reversal from “dad knows best” to “daughter knows best” can be awkward and uncomfortable. Remember that most of us relish our independence. At the same time, most aging parents don’t want to be a burden to their adult children and families. Keep this in mind as you work together to find the best and most fulfilling living situation.
Make the Conversation Goal-Oriented
By involving your parents early in the process, they are more likely to be receptive to the idea of moving to senior living. Ask them to identify their goals for aging well and then help provide ways for them to achieve them.
Get your parents talking by asking questions, such as:
- What do you want your days to look like?
- What type of people do you like to be around?
- What types of things do you want to do?
Listen carefully to their answers to help you understand their goals.
For example, if mom says that she’d like to see more people, then ask how she’ll do that while living at home alone?
Or, if Dad wants to be independent, explain that he may have more independence living in a community that offers transportation than he does living at home without a car.
These might be difficult truths, but they will help your parents understand how to better align their choices based on their personal goals and desires.
With a goal-oriented approach, you become a personal assistant, coach, or advocate for your parents to help them achieve their desires. You are a partner in the process instead of dictating your parents’ future, which can lead to resentment for all parties.
Do you want to learn more?
Get our FREE family guide, “Introducing A Change For The Better,” for those considering senior living.
You will learn:
- Conversation ideas for overcoming obstacles
- Benefits of senior living
- How to assess and balance wishes and needs
- Tips for researching and touring senior living communities
